Okay, full disclosure here. I’ve been so tired this week after moving that I sobbed for two hours because I made a stain on the worktop.
So I just want to feel relaxed and Christmassy, and am looking forward to a weekend that includes a MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL SINGALONG!
Which naturally led me to think of all the good, bad, and so-bad-it’s-good films to watch at this time of year. If you ever want recommendations for wonderfully crap made for TV Christmas movies, speak to my sister, she is all over that tinsel. ( I said ‘tinsel’ when I was going to say ‘shit’. See? Christmas)
But in the meantime, in no particular order, here’s my utterly unsurprising list of Christmas classics.
The Muppet Christmas Carol
I did say no particular order, but this one is a clear winner in my books.
Puppets? Dickens? Musical theatre? Yes please, yes please, yes please. From singing cabbages to a homeless rabbit that never fails to make me and my sister blub, The Muppet Christmas Carol is my perfect Christmas film. It’s silly, joyous and sentimental and has a message at its heart about bestowing kindness upon our neighbours. Love. It. Favourite moments include anything involving Beaker, Bob Cratchit (Kermit) being knocked over by his over excitable children on his return from work and Michael Caine wrapping a tiny Muppet-sized scarf around his neck at the end.
It’s a Wonderful Life
It took me until my late 20s to finally get around to watching this, so it doesn’t have quite the fuzzy nostalgia of films I’ve watched growing up, but boy does it make up for it in should-be-corny-but-is-actually-just-heartwarming-as-hell sentiment.
It’s a love letter to an age old social justice tale of Community vs The Corporate Machine (I love Community vs The Corporate Machine!) and, now that I think about it, a pretty powerful comment on the extraordinary pressures on men to provide for their families, which continues to this day because of the stupid effing patriarchy. In conclusion, love your neighbour, love yourself, dismantle capitalism, down with toxic masculinity.
I couldn’t miss Home Alone off a list of my top 10 Christmas films. Iconic. The dancing puppets masquerading as a family at home, the aftershave scream, the impossibly beautiful upper-middle class suburban American home, and of course….
Let’s put aside the fact that one of the characters we’re supposed to find super adorable is actually creepy af (Yes I’m looking at you, sign guy) and that there are far too many references to Martine Mccutcheon being chubby (she looks like she’s a size 12, max). And the fact that it takes place in Richard Curtis London, a world in which we all live in beautiful white terraced housing a stone’s throw from the river, and everything’s cobbled and softly lit. And the turtlenecks (Buzzfeed’s definitive ranking of all the Love Actually turtlenecks is amazing).
In fact, let’s put aside everything wrong with this film. I somehow still like it. I like the different stories woven in, about different Christmasses, some happy some sad. Obviously Emma Thompson is a glorious queen in it and the scene where she’s trying to stifle her tears in the bedroom listening to Joni Mitchell is heartbreaking. And my favourite line of all, which still makes me lol- ‘Well, Ant or Dec…’
From true sincerity to true silliness, Elf is a big, colourful ridiculous film that makes me want to believe in Santa.
Or maybe I just believe in Will Ferrell.
The only film in which I can get on board with Jude Law. Kate Winslet is an absolute queen despite being cast in the ‘pathetic lovelorn woman’ role. Throw in adorable children, an impossibly gorgeous snowy village and Jack Black scatting and you have a recipe for syrupy Christmas goodness.
Home Alone 2
5 words. ‘Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal’
4 more words. Tim Curry. New York
3 words. Donald Trump cameo. SHIT. Abort the list, abort the list.
Well, there it is, kids. We’ve learnt nothing from this post but I’ve got my tree up, have bought about half my presents and have had some mulled stuff. It’s official. It’s CHRISSSSSSSTMAASSS!