A strange thing has happened to me.
Recently, whenever someone asks how I am, I find myself answering ‘Yeah, good…….’ followed by a slightly uncomfortable pause in which I struggle to find anything of note to update them on.
Work’s the same. Yep, still with my boyfriend. Yep, it’s going well. I’m just…getting on with being alive, I suppose.
But there’s a little voice in my head that wonders whether I haven’t got the teensiest bit boring of late.
Time was when I could have at least conjured up an anecdote of something embarrassing that had happened to me. But recently, not so much.
Sure, I definitely do and say silly things sometimes, but I’ve realised how often I have fallen back on making myself the butt of the joke. I’m an awkward bean, and believe in celebrating our uniqueness and being able to laugh at ourselves. However there’s a difference between that and peppering every conversation with ‘guess what I did?!’ anecdotes at the expense of my self esteem.
I’ll be honest though, my lack of a decent answer to ‘What’s new with you?’ is not down to a sudden, enlightened dismissal of self-effacing humour. I will still tell everyone whenever I do something embarrassing -like accosting someone to say ‘I’M FROM READING TOO’ at a networking event a few weeks ago, as if us both coming from a large town 20 minutes outside of London was going to be a big shocker.
Maybe I’m just not finding myself in as many situations that would normally be anecdotal fodder? I haven’t changed jobs in a while, not being in the dating game certainly means I have less tales of woe (‘I made a comment about feminism and he looked like I’d shat on him!’), I’m happy with my housemates and we’ve escaped our dastardly landlord.
Meanwhile the things I am doing don’t seem like great conversation starters:
‘I’m taking my Salesforce admin exam’
‘Oh, really, Penny? DO tell me all the juicy details of database management’
‘I’m fastidiously checking my finances as I’m actually trying to stick to a budget for once’
‘Wow, it must be FUN going out to dinner with you’
I feel like I’m in a phase where I feel settled and am making slow, steady progress towards positive changes.
Does that make me boring?
But for now, I’ll take it.